Meet, Reveal, and Align and Act: Embodied Action and Generative Change
A couple of weeks ago, I was in Barcelona for the first of a two-part training in embodied leadership. The training was also a good excuse to catch-up with a longtime friend, Dino Zafirakos and to meet his wife and two other coaching colleagues there in Spain. Dino is also a coach, and we co-lead, co-teach, bounce ideas off one another, and talk through scenarios and viewpoints. I’d recently been asked to think about the three iterative phases of relationship systems—Meet-Reveal-Align and Act—and a rainy day with forced sofa time was perfect to do just that. When I said, “Dino–help me think of a metaphor for “Meet, Reveal, Align, and Act,” he pushed it back to me and said, “What is a physical action you could do to embody that concept.” (So yes, he is a bit of an eye roll, but that is a story for another day.)
The thing is, Dino’s pushback was remarkably helpful, and it helped my thinking to move in new directions. “Meet,” “reveal,” and “align and act” are all verbs, and our verbal sparring reminded me to treat them as such. Thinking this concept through helped me to ask these questions:
How can we embody the iterative phases and wisdom of Meet-Reveal-Align and Act?
How can we share that learned, physical wisdom with the systems we serve?
Meet-Reveal-Align and Act
I’ve been working with more and more systems as of late, strengthening relationships within teams and organizations and working to improve performance. While not one of the five Relationship Systems Intelligence principles, Meet-Reveal-Align and Act applies and is a foundational piece of systems coaching. I’ve broken this into an explanation, actions, and tools to make this clearer.
Meet
As coaches, you may have heard the phrase, “Meet them where they are,” and I know that I’ve used this phrase when I coach other coaches and scrum masters. (Yes, this phrase comes up often in agile practices.) However, meeting a system where they are so much deeper. Connection. Respect. Consideration. Listening with genuine curiosity, not a consultant’s ear. Witnessing. Honoring. No judgment. Modeling psychological safety. Mary Oliver wrote, “To see takes time. Like having a friend, takes time.” The “meet” is heart-first act, not a perfunctory get-down-to-business handshake. Meeting a system where it is takes the time that it takes.
Action
Erin embodying “Meet” and connecting with the system
To embody this part of the concept, I close my eyes and place my hands on my heart. This helps me to ground myself, to listen to what a system is telling me with my heart as much as my ears. I also notice that I take a deep breath so that I connect more wholly with the people of the system. When I meet a system where it is, I want to connect with my heart, not my head, and this small action helps to keep me in the best place.
Tools
There are several tools that can be used during the “meet” phase: good questions, clean questions, careful observation, and reflective listening come to mind. I also often use a designed team alliance so that I can meet the team as they are. Because this alliance is designed by the team for its own uses, it’s a mindful, considerate starting point for that system, plus it has the added bonus of documented tool to which they can refer to if needed.
Reveal
Revealing a system to itself requires a soft, deft touch. As a coach, the work you do here should be a generous and inclusive, not punitive or divisive. For perhaps the very first time, a system is seeing itself from a different vantage point, through another’s eyes. This has the potential of being wonderful, but it can also be shocking, demoralizing, or painful. There are two pieces of advice for this phase, and these are from one of the creators of organizational coaching herself, Marita Fridjhon:
Reveal rather than expose the system. Proceed at a pace that allows team members to absorb and respond to what is being revealed.
Value all of the voices, not just the ones with which you can relate or agree. Get curious about voices that are missing from the conversation.
Action
Erin embodying “Reveal” to the system
To embody “reveal,” I make a square with my thumb and forefingers, much as a movie director would do when framing a scene. My hands work as the aperture of a camera, controlling how much light enters the system. If I let too much light–think information or feedback that they system is not ready to absorb–I risk flooding the system. Conversely, if I narrow my hands too much, I don’t let in enough light, and the system has difficulty seeing itself. I need to frame the system appropriately in order for it to be able to see itself.
Tools
Once again, powerful, open questions will be great help here: What do you notice about what is happening? What is it like to be in this space? As a coach, listen to what your own body is telling you, but also use your own body language to model collaborative and creative stances, not a defensive or uncomfortable posture.
Align and Act
During align and act, the system steps to the forefront, voicing what it needs for alignment and the actions it will take to move forward. And if you’re wondering how agility plays into systems coaching, consider this: iteration, adaptation, failing quickly, delivering what is of most value. Systems will undoubtedly practice all of these and more as the voices herein emerge, create, and collaborate.
Action
Erin embodying “Align” as she listens to a system and what it brings forth
The actions for this portion are a bit of a two-step: first align, then act.
Erin embodying “Act,” a supportive hold for the system and its relationships
When I think about alignment, I cup my hand to my ear, modeling deep listening. I’m listening for what the system is bringing forth, for what it is learning about itself, for what it is saying aloud. Systems are intelligent, generative, and creative (thank you, RSI principles!), and when the people in that system lean in to questions and deliberate responses
When coaching a system, the supportive action that symbolizes “act” is really twofold: one arm frames a circle, symbolizing the space the system is currently in, and the other is at a person’s back, between their shoulder blades. I’m not pointing the way, I’m not indicating the correct direction. I’m simply holding a supportive space, supporting and caring for the system as it takes its chosen action. I think of this action as a “supportive hold.”
Tools
Meet—Checking in on a team’s designed alliance (Designed Team Alliance or DTA) can also be helpful here.
Reveal—Powerful Questions: Asking questions such as “How is this system aligning with its values and its voice?” is an excellent starting place, but there is much room for many more questions. (And what a great time for you to practice your own skills of asking resonant, transformational questions!)
Align and Act—My love of metaphor and Rory’s Story Cubes is well-known, and this is a great exercise for a system to begin connecting with alignment. As an added bonus, the deep listening required of a coach for this system strengthens psychological safety. (I’ve documented the exercise here.) Also, the Liberating Structure of 1-2-4-All can also be powerful tool in this phase as the systems spends time in determining how to act as it moves forward.
The Role of the Coach
A coach’s involvement as Meet-Reveal-Align and Act progresses
The skill of fading comes into play when working with this concept. At the beginning of Meet-Reveal-Align, Act, the systems coach is heavily involved, an active participant with the team. She leans in and connects with the system. He models good questions and reflective listening. However, the deeper into the process, the more the coach begins to fade and the system moves to the forefront. The coach lets the system find its own alignment and rhythm, and then its own actions to move itself forward.
Standing on Principles
There are a total of five Relationship Systems Intelligence principles, and two principles in particular are relevant for Meet-Reveal-Align and Act:
Every member of the relationship system is a voice of the system. Through each step of Meet-Reveal-Align and Act, a system’s voices are emerging. Without these voices, Meet-Reveal-Align and Act falls flat.
Relationship systems are naturally intelligent, generative and creative. “Change is a generative act,” as poet Tracy K. Smith reminds us, and Meet-Reveal-Align and Act is the embodiment of this statement. The coach’s role through this work is to hold the container for the system, make it safe for alignment and action to emerge, and then to support the system as it moves forward. Psychological safety and trust are imperative, as is the skill of helping a system learn to trust itself.
Acting It Out, Plus Forward Momentum
I opened this post with these questions:
How can we embody the iterative phases and wisdom of Meet-Reveal-Align and Act?
How can we share that learned, physical wisdom with the systems we serve?
The first question I feel that I’ve answered, but through writing, I feel like I need to back out of that second question. Why? Because through embodiment, systems learn their own physical wisdom. They don’t need what I share as a coach because they’ve unearthed and rediscovered their own wisdom, and that is far more valuable that anything I might provide. The more a system changes, the more space it creates for continued change and continued growth. But to do this, psychological safety is a must. Psychologically safe systems can withstand, even invite, more and more revelation, even dipping its collective toe into exposure. The more safety within a system, the more it can see of itself.
The unasked question of Meet-Reveal-Align and Act is “When should this tool be used?” Providing that the precondition of psychological safety is met, this tool should be a standard of any coaching practice. Personally, I use Meet-Reveal-Align and Act as a foundation of my coaching plan for any system. By doing so, it helps me to build the work into any coaching that I do.
Gratitude and Closing Notes
I would not be where I am today on this topic without the support of these people.
My thinking and writing this month were greatly influenced by conversations with Dino Zafirakos, and he shares in the credit for this month’s work. He and I talked through this concept a great deal, modeled actions, plus he got us to the Embodied Leadership training in the hills northwest of Barcelona. It was Dino who challenged me to get out of my head and into my body for this work.
Marita Fridjhon, author of Creating Intelligent Teams and the CEO of CRR Global (the company that created the Organizational, Relationship, and Systems Coaching series), contributed greatly to this work through generous conversations, ongoing feedback, and encouragement.
Gaby Aragon has my ongoing gratitude for open-hearted conversations, collaborative ideas, and a continuous desire to help me to be a better coach.
Heather Foster of Star Street Creative created the visuals for this month’s work. (Heather made that fantastic icon of me you see on the accompanying Mural board–it even includes my necklace! And glasses! And she dresses like me!) I’m good with words, but she helps me to think clearly and creatively about what I want to do with my work. She creates visual resonance and helps me to share it with others.
As they are every month, the image used for this blog post was captured byLinda Nickell. Connect with her on Instagram as @coznlinda, or join in on Wednesday evenings for her Happiness Hour. Details, upcoming presentations, and links to past recordings can be found on her site. You can also find her on YouTube.
