The Ugly Truth of Self-Management
I have what is politely called “a descriptive face,” meaning that whatever is going on inside of me, my face has already told you all about it. My mouth doesn’t help much, because whatever my face is telegraphing, my mouth likely has something to say about it. For me more than most others, self-management is not just an important coaching skill, but an important life skill.
Medice, cura te ipsum
In other, less Latin words, “Physician, heal thyself.” This is from the Bible, the book of Luke, to be exact, although the Greek dramatist Aeschylus and the Torah had similar words of wisdom as well. But the ask here is for a physician to have the knowledge to cure what ails her before turning to what ails others. As coaches, we are to do the same: heal what ails us before turning to our clients. And to do this, we need a more-than-healthy dose of self-management.
If a lot of this sounds like adulting, well, it is, kind of like taxes and flossing and cruciferous vegetables. But coach, know thyself. Know your triggers, what sets you off, what requires a little more of you. Without this kind of deep, self-imposed knowledge, you’re a coaching accident waiting to happen.
Among the many things I appreciate about the rigorous coaching training that I’ve done is that it helped me to keep myself in check—my feelings, my fears, what burbled up inside of me—so that I could better support my clients’ work. It is their growth and development that is important, not mine. Here are some of the triggers as well as care and practices that work for me.
Erin’s triggers:
Poorly facilitated, unnecessary meetings
People that disrespect my time
Grammar errors
Cruelty, especially to a defenseless person or animal
Care and feeding:
I need tea, and lots of it. (Tea is a separate blog post all its own.)
I need time amongst creative pursuits, novels, and poetry. Without that, I’m a dried husk of a coach.
Naps, especially with dogs
Hikes, especially with dogs
Crying it out on the spin bike
This is what works for me. Some of this might work for you, some of it might not. Be curious about yourself and what you need. Coach, know thyself to cure thyself.
Improving Self-Management
Here is an unpopular statement: as a coach, it’s not my job to give you the answers. Instead, we will work together to find your answers. Except for now, where I’m about to shift to mentoring and offer up a few suggestions that have worked for me.
Slow down—As in slow way, way down. Speak more slowly, more clearly. Form your words carefully. Enunciate. Craft the words that you say instead of wishing you had not spoken. This gives me time to think, to manage myself, rather than wish I had not said or done something. The old maxim of “Think before you speak,” is good advice.
Ask, don’t tell—What I mean here is that instead of talking, ask a great question. The practice of asking open-ended, curiosity-based questions curtails our instincts to focus on ourselves and our inner dialogue, helping you to focus on the other person.
Check yourself at the door—Before I enter any coaching engagement, be it with an individual, a team, or an organization, I take a moment to myself. I put my hand on my diaphragm, take a deep breath, and say the following: “May I be what is needed. May I be of service. May I be a blessing.”
Self-management is hard work, but with practice, it becomes a practice all its own.
The image used for this blog post, Sandhill cranes in a field, was captured by Linda Nickell, as was the autumn image of the falling leaf. Connect with her on Instagram as @coznlinda, or join in on Wednesday evenings for the Happiness Hour. Details, upcoming presentations, and past recordings can be found on her site.